Am I overthinking the whole process of self-improvement or it is a real problem that I have to work with?

Hi, 21M here and I am going through a bad day and well, this day brought up things that were somehow hidden in the back of my mind for a while.

Back in 2023, when I was with my ex, she was very much into self improvement, and I always felt that I lacked that desire to become the best version of myself. It ate me, it was like a barrier I could not break. I was trying to lit the spark, but it never worked. Now...I realised I had not givem myself the time to process everything tht happened so I am working on it. But there is still one thing that kind of kills me whenever I think about it...

The lack of motivation/the lack of spark when I think about myself. I realised that I do not focus on myself, and kind of just do things just because they are good for me. But deep down, it feels like they are meant for someone else. And well, I am trying to think „Why am I doing this?”

It is a bit lame to say that I took some inpiration from Pinterest to picture a kind of life that I want to have, which tbh sparked something small inside me, but I still feel it is not enough in a way?

I may a bit brainwashed due to all the self-improvement content I saw, but it still bothers me

So...to sum this up and having a main idea

Have you been in this situation? Where self-improvement and focusing on yourself felt somehow unattractive/ ”boring”? And, moreover, have you ever feared that if you do not feel the spark would lead to dissatisfaction and dissapointment? How did you overcome this? Or it is just a problem created by my overthinking?

Thank you for reading this, it felt a bit like a vent too, but today is just THAT kind of day...