Maintaining a “healthy life” feels like when Magneto had to use all his brain power to allow himself to walk

Forming “habits” isn’t a thing for me. I finally got myself to brush my teeth twice a day, did it for two months. Got sick, haven’t picked up the toothbrush again in months.

It takes so much of my energy to “force” myself to do anything and everything besides basic functions. Then when I do finally get the momentum I feel like I’m punished for it by fatigue. The more I do, the less I can do.

Exercising, eating healthy, positive habits, all of this takes up so much of my brain and processing power. I have to consciously work on these things every single moment of every single day, it never becomes second nature to me. It never becomes easy, a habit. And when I stop all the progress is gone and the will to begin again is further deteriorated. I don’t know if I’ll ever actually function in a healthy way.