Could someone score my timed rhetorical essay and give feedback?

Michelle Obama, as First Lady during her husband Barack Obama's very influential presidency, worked tirelessly and made significant efforts to promote education, mainly secondary education, for youth in the United States of America. In her final speech as First Lady, Obama uses ethos & an anecdote, pathos, and diction & repetition in order to emphasise the hope she has for the American youth.

Obama chooses to repeatedly say and emphasize the words “you” and “your”. Her repeating this choice of diction can be seen throughout the entirety of the speech. On lines 5-8, she says “know that this country belongs to you—to all of you…if you or your parents are immigrants, know that you are part of this proud American tradition.” Obama chooses to repeat “you” in order to make the audience feel that she is speaking to them personally. Her targeting the audience in this way makes them relate deeper to what she is saying. For example, if an audience member or an audience member’s parents were indeed immigrants, the audience member would feel a stronger connection to her words because Obama directed them to “you” —not to just all immigrants, but “you” specifically. She does this again on lines 48-51: “so you can express yourself clearly, so you can get a good job… so you can be a positive force.” She begins each of her listings with the phrase “so you can” in order to emphasize the idea that the specific individual audience member has the ability to do something.

Obama uses ethos in order to demonstrate that her background and experiences give her the credibility and authority to speak on education, overcoming adversity, and hope. On lines 14-16 she says that “me and my husband—we started out with very little. But with a lot of hard work and a good education anything is possible”. By mentioning that she personally has been in the shoes of many of the audience members, having been in a position of hardship also, she is able to show that she understands where they come from. It shows that her words have impact because they come from a place of understanding the struggle that the audience members are likely facing. She is showing the audience she was in a similar difficult situation, however she overcame her obstacles and made it to the very successful place she is today. With this credibility, she uses it to emphasize the importance of hope, hard work, and determination. On lines 55-60, she says “I want you to remember something that my husband and I have talked about since we first started this journey, something that has carried us through every moment in this white house… and our lives…the power of hope.” Obama did not need to mention that it was specifically something her husband believed in, however by doing so she uses her and her husband's power and authority to demonstrate the importance of the power of hope. It shows how their success in the white house and in their lives has revolved around the importance of hope and determination. The amount of success this belief has brought her persuades the audience to believe her more.

Obama utilizes pathos through varying methods. Lines 55-60 not only builds ethos showing her credibility, but also evokes emotion in the audience. It inspires the audience. Because the Obamas have been successful through hard work and determination, the audience member has the potential to be as successful as the Obamas through the same methods. In lines 27-29, Obama says “Our diversities of faiths and colors and creeds—that is not a threat to who we are, it makes us who we are”. Prior to and beyond these lines, she often emphasizes the words “you” and "your", however her use of diction in lines 27-29 changes as she emphasizes “our” instead. By saying “our diversities” instead of “your diversities” or simply "diversities" highlights how she is included in the group she is mentioning. It makes her more relatable to the audience, making them feel more connected to her. This makes it so that throughout the speech, her emotional appeals have more impact. She also often invokes a sense of national pride through mentioning American ideals and freedoms. For example, on line 17 she says "That's what the American dream is all about” and on line 37-40 she mentions “You cannot take your freedoms for granted…you have to do your part to protect and preserve those freedoms.” Her mentioning these things invokes a feeling of patriotism in the audience members making them feel inspired to listen to what she has to say. Another way in which she uses pathos is using the names of the honorees such as Kyra and Terri. By using their names instead of simply saying “a student” and “a counselor” makes it more real and personal. It shows real people rather than figurative roles.