How do you get closure?

Good afternoon,

I have been working at a 911 center for almost three years. We are a relatively busy town, and i have worked as a calltaker the entire time. On Sunday I got my first ROSC on a CPR call-- i felt really proud of it because the patient was agonal breathing while we did CPR and I was counting with my caller while also keeping a mental tally of the last time he told me the patient was breathing to make sure it was still agonal. Fire got on scene and started CPR, calling out that there was agonal breathing (which was very valdiating), and continued until they got ROSC about 9 minutes later. The patient made it to the hospital without coding again.

So my problem... I dont know what happened to him after that. I have taken thousands of calls in my few years, at least a hundred, if not more CPR calls, but i have never really cared to know the outcome. They cant tell me anything because of HIPPA.

I can't stop wondering if he is still alive, how he's doing if he is, if he's happy to be alive or if I just prolonged his suffering. We have a peer support team but its just me and one other person, and the other person is mainly a dispatcher. I thought after a few days it would pass, as it had before, but questions and unknowns just keep circling my head.