Struggling with reoccurring ED thoughts/behaviors after pregnancy and breastfeeding

I am currently just over 6 months post partum. I had a terrible pregnancy (I vomited/dry heaved every day, multiple times a day for all 9 months) which led to me losing 40 pounds from the start of my pregnancy. I have since gained 20 of those pounds back as I've been struggling with breastmilk supply, taking supplements and making sure to get extra calories.

Honestly this whole journey, getting pregnant, all of the vomiting, weight loss, then weight gain and focus on food has been so triggering for me as someone who has struggled with EDNOS since I was a teenager. Since having my daughter, I've been struggling with PPA and PPD as well as muscle spasms in my jaw (likely related to all of the vomiting during pregnancy) which has made it necessary for me to take muscle relaxants and antianxiety medication. These do not come without risks and my daughter is not gaining enough weight, so between taking these medications and my ongoing struggle with supply, I have decided to stop breastfeeding.

Since making that decision, I've been flooded with obsessive thoughts about my food intake and weight loss. The thought that - I can finally starve myself and try to lose weight! Runs through my head constantly and I have been struggling to eat throughout the day and obsessing over steps. Not only that, but I've been overwhelmed with feelings of sadness and guilt about stopping breastfeeding.

I feel myself slipping into dangerous territory. And I think the scariest part of it is, a part of me wants to give in to it. I mean, I can't hurt my baby anymore so what is stopping me?