DYSPHORIA RANT - Would appreciate comfort

I will never be a man. Every single part of me is so tired. Every single part is stuck in place by female puberty, round hips, short height, round face, small hands, chest with glaring scars. Worst of all I don’t have what any partner loves about a man. I can’t ever have sex, not normally. Even phallo- if I could ever afford it- will never be the real thing. I will never be a biological father. Never die a man. When they dress me up for my funeral my body will lay there female and no one will bother seeing me as anything but. People will try and comfort me by saying cis men might have some features I do. But it’s not the same. Not at all. Those people will always be seen as men, even if short, even if softer- and not only that but they also suffer strongly with hating these parts of themselves- for us it’s just 20 times worse. Even my friends who I’ve known for years- most of them trans themselves although none of them binary- who claimed to see me as a cis man pre t (bullshit) will slip up and use they for me. It’s evident what they think about me. How they see me. Theyre just too polite to say anything about it.

Everyday I want to wake up even less. I hate this life. I hate this condition. I just want it to end