The only true friends I thought I had basically all just said bye to me and now I want to die

And I don’t even really know why, to make things worst. We spent the weekend together for a wedding and I apparently hurt people (emotionally?) while I was blacked out drunk. Even though I wasn’t sure what I did, I sent each person an individualized text apologizing if I hurt them and taking responsibility for drinking too much and promising to not do so in the future. One person said they needed time, one person said they weren’t mad at all, and one (who used to be my best friend but has barely even been taking to me for the past year or two for I’m not sure what reason, which I also brought up) said they were taking a step back from the friendship. She said i tend to pull away unless I’m the center of attention. I don’t really understands what this means. I also hate being center of attention. I always just feel like everyone hates me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to talk to. These have been my best friends for 8/9 years. We’ve gone through college together, graduation, weddings, having kids, vacations, etc. I literally can’t do anything right.