TW:SA I was raped by my best friend and I’m not sure how to move forward

On April 4th 2025 I was raped by my brother the title says best friend and that’s because he really was. My mother and his father got married when we were both 9 when he was 10 my mother adopted him. We basically grew up as twins we went to school together, we had the same friend groups, we were very close I would tell him every thing, we would stay up late and just talk about things like how we felt or what we were struggling with or secrets we couldn’t tell anyone else, we’d go to the gym together. But never in a million years would I or anyone around us think that he’d do something like that to me. Now I’m not going to go into details of the actual event but it’s 6 months later now and I’m still just as confused and heartbroken and scared as the day it happened We were both 17 at the time of the incident so after a few weeks hiding it I decided to bring it to my parents who immediately removed him from the house. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go to the authorities so they moved him into my grandparents house until a spot opened up at military school a few months later. And as of now he’s still there but in December he will graduate and just the thought of it is horrifying I’m 18 now and I’ve thought about pressing charges or filing a restraining order but there’s just so much more to this complicated situation I live about 5 hrs away from my bio dad who is still involved in my life as much as possible and I still haven’t told him because of the relationship my mother and him have I know that he’ll be angry at her and just use my trauma as ammunition to get custody of my younger 2 siblings. The only family that I live near is my stepdads family which were initially all in my corner pretty much jumped ship after about a month and decided that “he’s still family” so what he did to me doesn’t matter so I pretty much cut them all off. And after telling our friends what happened I cut them off as well not because they had done anything wrong I just wasn’t in a great place mentally. So I don’t have much support other than my boyfriend of 4yrs and his only opinion regarding the situation is the second he gets his hands on him he’s dead. The reason I didn’t press charges immediately is because after it happened my brain split him into two different people the monster who defiled me and my best friend who I still love and grieve like he died that night I still miss him every day I still wish I could walk across the hallway and tell him about all this crazy shit that’s going on but I was so worried about him and his feelings and I didn’t want to ruin his life by pinning this title over his head and sometimes when I think about it I hope that one day we can forget this happened and move on but I know that It’ll never be the same again and other times when I think about him I hate him for ruining everything I hate the fact that I cut every one off I the fact I don’t have a best friend I the fact that it fucked me up so badly I can go on and on about all my “hates” but every time I think about this I just go down the same rabbit hole and if anyone has had a similar experience or any advice on moving forward or what I should do to protect my self please let me know