WWYD?

My baby was violated by my MIL and my MILs mother (referred to as GIL from now on.) This happened at the end of May and I am still seeing red over it, and actively going to therapy so I don’t do something family-ruining. Buckle up.

Husband and I were going on a trip at the end of May - we were asked to bring baby over for a visit before we were gone for a few weeks. We get there and GIL is holding our baby and getting up in her face which makes her cry. Baby crying makes GIL think there’s something medically wrong with her. GIL doesn’t speak English so she says something to my MIL, and MIL says to my husband and I that GIL needs to check baby for an umbilical hernia. GIL is heavily spiritual and believes in homeopathic remedies to things, so we really have no idea how she’s going to check for this.

MIL whisks our baby away to a bedroom as we follow, no explanation as to wtf is going on, but it wasn’t anything to make us think our baby was in danger. MIL puts baby on a bed, opens her sleeper up, and plays with her a bit before GIL comes in with what looks like washed hands and possibly brushed teeth or like she washed her mouth? She goes over to baby and sticks her nose right into her bellybutton - she’s sniffing deeply for a solid minute. Husband and I are looking at each other and rolling our eyes so hard, yeah it’s super fucking weird but we’ve been together for almost 10 years and we know she’s very odd. I gave her the benefit of the doubt which I absolutely never should have. She finishes sniffing and says something to MIL, MIL says that our baby POSSIBLY has a small umbilical hernia.

This next part happened in what I can only describe as slow motion but it was also so fast. GIL opens our baby’s diaper and from where we were standing which was just to GILs right, it looked like she shoved her nose into our baby’s crotch and was sniffing deeply just like the bellybutton. This was weird as FUCK, but again it happened so fast. GIL comes up for air or whatever the fuck, and MIL says that GIL has to USE HER TONGUE TO CHECK FOR AN INGUINAL HERNIA!!!!?!?! LIKE WHAT????

I immediately yelled IM NOT OKAY WITH THAT, and my MILs exact words were “well she already did it.” I cannot tell you how angry I was, I was trembling, I couldn’t breathe properly, and I immediately go outside while my husband quickly gathered our baby and her things. I should have called the police. Husband was very upset too and had strong words with his mom, but now she’s playing this bullshit card about how she had no idea the inguinal hernia check was going to happen, and GIL doesn’t speak English and is simply from a different culture so IT’S FINE. We basically run out the door with the intention of not being back for a very long time which ended up being a month because they guilt trip my husband.

I cannot even look these two women in the eye anymore, I don’t want them near our baby. We were intentionally lied to and/or manipulated because they KNEW we would say no to this being done. My MIL says that GIL did this to hundreds of babies in their home country, which I could see as doctors were scarce, but at that time I’m sure her paws were working just fucking fine.

What was supposed to be a good, trusting relationship, and arguably has been for as long as I’ve known them, has been totally decimated by their actions. And they still don’t appear to understand how this was wrong. My MIL is a RN and she still allowed this to happen, to an infant, with no care or respect for the parents authority. I could report this and have her license taken. I could involve the police and have GIL spoken to at the very least. It doesn’t matter that it’s some old woman’s cultural beliefs; what if my 95 yo. grandpa said he could diagnose an inguinal hernia with his tongue? You don’t get a pass because you’re a female.

My therapist also works in child forensics and he said that this is something that his colleagues would report for further investigation. I just risk blowing up my husbands family if I do. He said that because I’m taking every precaution I can to ensure it never happens again, he doesn’t have to report it, but he agreed that it was completely fucked up and I have every right to never allow her there unsupervised or even be alone in a room for a minute with MIL or GIL.

I don’t think this relationship can ever be repaired.

Oh, and I took her to the doctor later on and got her checked for umbilical and inguinal hernias - she doesn’t have either and I announced that fact proudly to the both of them.