Struggling with going back on meds for bipolar II

Hi, I (28F) was diagnosed with bipolar II about 8 years ago. Since then, I’ve been on and off medication. I know I should stick with it to stay stable (and hopefully feel better long-term), but I’ve always struggled because the meds make me feel like they “flatten me out” — if that makes sense? Sometimes I even feel like the hypomanic version of me is the “real me,” and I get scared of losing that part of myself.

However, I’m starting a full-time job next month, so I know I need to be as stable as possible. I decided it was probably time I try to stick to medication. I’ve also recently started going to the gym to build up stamina, but so far I haven’t noticed any real effects on my mood.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you handle it?