My parents forcing the hijab yet again.

Today we went to a restaurant me and my family. I was wearing the hijab but not correctly like I just put the cloth on my head and it was really loose and the front of my hair was showing if you know jedawi womens hijab well that's it.

Before we went on the way there in the car my dad was lecturing my mom on how she should wear a niqab and cover her face while she didn't want to because she has a lot of religious trauma from it which he knows but doesn't really care hes an absent guy in general and once told my mom "idgaf about your godamn feelings".

When we arrived the restaurants air conditioner was far away from us so it was hot so I undid the hijab to the typical loose one. My mom then told me to "cover your hair your old enough to" then i did and i tied the hijab in a loose way then my dad yelled at me told me "You are old you have to wear the hijab, when we go on vacation next summer your wearing the hijab as well!" and my mom told him "well she doesn't want to wear it," my dad told her "its your fault for not teaching her."

then he pulled it down so it covered my hair and it looked really ugly too which ruined the hole mood then i told him why can you wear haram and I can't? Because he wears shorts and gets mullet cuts him and my brother. my mom says "do not question your dad." Tbh my dads successfully brainwashed my mom into thinking hes some prophet who has to be followed and never questioned.

in a few weeks when we get a weekend off school me and my family are going to a waterpark in abu dhabi or turkey they didn't pick yet. I don't want to wear hijab or that fuckass modest swimwear we where on a boat, one time in Morocco, they told me what i was wearing is a heaIlth hazard that is going to cost me my life because in a swim outfit your legs must be without fabric or covered so your secured to the slide and wont slip or fly off but in a full fabric cover you are going to slip out because there's nothing to prevent you from that happening. I don't know if that makes sense but its what they told me in a waterpark.

I don't want modest swim wear or hijab what do I even do the feeling of the hijab itself ruins my entire mood because it reminds me of how I am not free and never will be. My whole view on my country changed, when i see women in all black covered but their men wear shorts and a normal t shirt. They may not feel its unfair but I feel sad when I see them.