Awkward but I did it for the first time!!

It was with a good friend (22M) of mine (18F), of which my best friend had convinced me to get with because I had previously been with very toxic men. I had always saved myself from sex in other relationships, and on a whim when I was able, fucked this dude.

It was awful. We were both inexperienced, I never finished, AND to top it off, he didn't even know how to put the condom on. We ended up doing the deed raw. And not the good kind.

I had to fake it because he was licking my lip during oral, I didn’t find him attractive, and he didn’t really care about my pleasure, he always made an excuse later on that “we didn’t have enough time for me” and was selfish, and then ended up borderline raping me (had a panic attack during a raw experience that I was uncomfortable with, and he decided to continue and say he thought I was acting that way for me. I was even repeating, “please don’t cum in me” because I thought he was going to, and had to accept the fact that he may, and was too in fear to say stop.)

Overall, what I learnt? Get with someone you generally are attracted to, and cares about your pleasure as well. Otherwise, you may get disappointed as well.