

i don’t see a problem with me self harming anymore. my brain has pretty much established it as a basic fact of life now. nobody seems to really care about it anyway, i keep fresh cuts covered because i don’t want to slash flash anyone but once they’re healed i go out in tank tops with my scars in view and nobody’s ever said anything to me about em. they just treat me normally, which is what i want. i’ve been cutting almost my whole life, since i was just a kid, i know how to cut just deep enough that i don’t need stitches or risk major infection. I know how to take care of my wounds (the antiseptic is the best part because it stings so bad). so at the end of the day, the only real downside is scars, and i kind of like how they look on me anyway? i think they make sense on me. it feels like they’re supposed to be there. so after all that, i can’t really find much if a reason to be clean anymore.

is it really so wrong to cope in the only way that actually fucking works for me? is it really so wrong to take things out on my own body? it’s my body. i’m doing it to myself. why does it matter? when people get body mods, or are masochistic in the bedroom, people don’t look at them like they’ve done some sort of moral transgression. but when it’s cutting suddenly it’s like “oh :( you need to stop :(( that’s bad :(((“ what if I don’t want to? what if i’ve tried that time and time and time again and i always end up back here anyway? i’m in my mid 20s for gods sake if it hasn’t gone away by now i don’t think it ever will. what’s the point in fighting it? isn’t it easier to just accept it and live with it and do as much harm reduction as i can. 

i’ve reached a point of acceptance that probably isn’t super awesome or healthy