Entry #1

Still going strong!

TW Porn Addiction

I’ve put restrictions on my devices and I’ve been trying to focus on hobbies. It’s really helped me center myself during this.

It all feels silly to go through, but I think that thinking like that has been what has kept me from recovering for so long. How do you tell your friends you’re a porn addict? It doesn’t feel like you can. “Hey guys, I can’t stop jerking off to porn and it will keep escalating if I don’t find some way to stop…” Yeah, right. There are so many things I want to talk about but I can’t tell anyone.

It started small, I’d just jerk off to whatever was on the hub that caught my interest. I’m not sure when it got bad. I’ve been doing this for so long that it’s consumed my entire experience with masturbation. As soon as I get horny my mind turns to porn. It’s affected my relationships, my ability to have sex. It not like I can’t get hard at all, but they’re nothing that satisfies me the same.

The first time I ever considered that my porn consumption was becoming a problem was when I happened upon a clip on X. It was a video of someone filming themselves cum tagging a display in a store. The idea of it got me so hard that I got off to that thought several days in a row, until it wasn’t enough anymore.

In a haze that was admittedly aided by a large amount of weed, I drove to the store (I won’t name which one.) i watched porn on my phone as I walked around, and I was touching myself. I’m appalled even recalling that, and I’m ashamed. But when I was about to climax I walked to the underwear section and came all over a rack of panties. I was sure I was gonna be arrested, and I stayed inside and swore to never do it again. Little did I know I was lying to myself.

There are so many things I’m not proud of, but I can’t tell anyone.

It’s a struggle everyday.