Self Sabotaged my whole life

Hi im 21M 6'2 and was an athlete

despite all that Im a virgin, never played in college because I was mentally ill from all the years of abuse and bullying I faced

I had a few oppurtunities to be with a girl especially this one girl who would of been very solid with me at 18

But I wanted to make the college team so badly I didnt approach her and I thought she would be a hinderance to my dreams, what I was actually doing was kicking the can down the road

And the can is my shitty social skills, I never socialized much as a kid because my dad would interfere with that, anytime I would joke around in practice which was a team practice for the sport I was playing my dad would yell at me afterwards, and anytime I was invited somewhere he wouldnt let me go (he was my coach)

Overtime I stopped bothering to go places because my parents wouldnt let me so what was the point? Now I realize how detrimental that was

I relied too much on sports on meeting people and whenever I did it would never go anywhere, I would self sabotage myself I would cut them off if I felt like they were ignoring me or werent on the same level as me in terms of vibe or whatever, if I felt they had even a bit of hostility I would block them or cut them off, and as a result I cut off a few solid friends and its too late to reconnect with all of them except one dude

Im unsure where to go from here I realize theres no external factor that put me in this position currently, I could of moved out by now I could of got a GF by now or even friends but I didnt I fucked it up and my social skills are shitty, I cant rely on sports to carry me like I used to, I have to start at square one at 21 while other people already worked on their social skills at a young age fucking brutal

Im here because both my mom and dad hindered my social skills and it impacted me alot