Having a really bad time

We were together about 14 years. At first it was all whirlwind and love and she was my person. My only person. Then kids. Then surgeries, then everything fell apart. Then she questioned her gender. Then her sexuality. Now it's "I never really liked men! I now know it's always been women!" And while that's great for her, fuck it hurts. It hurts so much to think it was any less for her than it was for me. Ever. At any point. In or out of the bedroom. My kids are probably the one thing keeping me here, because at this moment I feel lied to and betrayed and utterly fucking unfixable. Yeah, I know life goes on. I know I could go out and move forward. Trust me, I've had enough offers. Upon word of me being single they've crawled out of the woodwork. But I don't want to. I just want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment, shame, guilt and heartbreak.