I would rather be alone

My 7 year old screamed at me when I thought I heard him say yes to food I offered him after he yelled, “I’m hungry!” He has ADHD and autism and it’s not always like this, but sometimes it is. I had had a nice day until he got back home - doing some batch cooking for the week ahead and grocery shopping. So, when that happened, I just stopped. I left and have been sitting in my room contemplating leaving altogether. He tried to apologize (his dad got him something to eat eventually). But, I told him to go and I won’t accept his apology.

I am over it. I get abused at work by clients and managers; I have a teen, I have 1 friend, she lives far away; I have chosen to move far away from my family because of childhood trauma. I am in therapy, I take meds for my ADHD (took them today), I exercise, I use HRT (just changed my estrogen patch today), take vitamins just had blood tests done and I do need more iron, so I am increasing my beef and egg intake. I am just over it!

Every single time I think, I’ll do this to make things easier, I prepare, I’ll do xyz; I ask for help, have the kids do a chore etc… I feel used, taken for granted, abused by my own kids. My husband did stand up for me, but that doesn’t fix this because he yelled at him and that’s not healthy either!

What is the point? Why bother? Why cook and grocery shop and work and do all of this? If I am being treated like shit by my own children and at work (which is the majority of my life). Why bother? I swear I cannot understand it. I have battled thoughts of leaving regularly and I don’t do it.