Struggling so much with euphoric recall

I made the big mistake of going through my camera roll from the past 5 years or so and I realize that we often don’t document the bad parts of addiction and just the good parts, but man it’s hard not to want the good parts back.

In my case the biggest part of my addiction was self-medication for severe depression and the worst part was it actually worked at first. I have so many pictures and videos from the parts of my addiction that preceded my downward spiral and I used to be so social and fun and enjoyed my life so much more and I was a lot more physically fit too.

Now I’m 2 months sober after struggling so much for the last year and I have to deal with this depression head on and go through it instead of around. But fuck it’s hard not to want that life back. I have to remind myself it’s better than the tail end of my addiction where I hurt myself and everyone I love so badly and constantly felt hopeless and suicidal. I can pray and call my sponsor as much as I want but the longing hurts. I just hope it’s really worth it like everyone around me says it is