Is my intro good or should I use a direct approach? Ty!

PROMPT: Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

INTRO:

People hold different views on how children should be taught to become responsible members of society. While some argue that schools are the most effective places for this learning, others believe it is the parents’ responsibility to instill such values. In my opinion, the primary onus lies with the parents.