Lowkey freaking out a little bit

TW for miscarriage + blood

I woke up this morning with really bad cramps, and went to the bathroom because of it. I've been on T for almost three years now, haven't had a period since maybe five or six months on T. Before that, I already had fertility issues, and likely wouldn't be able to carry a pregnancy to term (something I found out after a bad miscarriage in high school w/ my long-term boyfriend back then, but that's a different story). Well, guess who had a ton of blood going on down there? :')

I'll definitely be getting cleaned up and checked out at the hospital just to be safe, but this looks and feels like my other miscarriage. I had a lot of drinks last night and on Friday as part of celebrations with friends, and did my T shot the other day after missing last week's, so maybe those things are what triggered this.

What's messed up about this is that I had a weird feeling I might be pregnant the other day and took a test, but they all came back negative. My partner and I are extremely active though, so there's the chance that this was just way too early to really detect with a test.

I'm not upset about the loss btw. I'm actually waiting for surgery dates to get a total hysterectomy. I don't want kids, and don't think I'd ever be a good parent anyways due to mental health issues and a physical disability of mine. If anything, it's just scary to see that much blood coming out of me after not having a period for so long, and it's scary to think I was pregnant and didn't really know it.

Gonna finish getting cleaned up and go to urgent care. I agree with Garfield now. I hate Mondays.