counting calories is ruining my life.

i grew up kind of fat and was picked on and it severely fucked me up growing up. i counted calories for years, then i’d binge, and now i’m back to counting non stop. i cannot eat without stepping on the scale first or counting the numbers on a package. i’m so tired. i want to eat what i enjoy and have that just be enough. how do i stop counting? when will i stop? i wish i had all the answers right now. it feels like recovery is impossible.