AITA if I give up on my best friend after I hurt her and tried everything to fix it?

AITA if I give up on my best friend after I hurt her and tried everything to fix it?

I know the title sounds bad, and maybe I am the asshole here. But I just need to get this off my chest and gain some outside perspective. Sorry in advance for any errors, english is not my first language.

I (20F) was in a toxic relationship with my ex (18M). We went to high school together and started dating after graduation. It was an emotionally unhealthy situation: he treated me poorly, ghosted me multiple times, and pressured me around sex. Looking back, we were extremely codependent, and the relationship wasn’t good for either of us.

Throughout the relationship, I leaned heavily on my best friend (also 20F) for advice. I vented constantly and went to her for reassurance. I realize now that I was probably looking for her validation, and every time I ignored her advice and stayed with my ex, it hurt her. Eventually, she snapped. She said she couldn’t take it anymore, that I kept disregarding her advice, and that it made her feel like she didn’t matter to me. She told me she needed space but also gave me an ultimatum: him or her.

I ended up choosing her. I broke things off with my ex and tried to mend things with her, reaching out several times, but she kept pushing me away. Months later, we finally had a conversation. She told me she didn’t trust me anymore, and cited an example, like the time I ditched her at a party to basically argue with my ex all night, completely ignoring her. She said she wasn’t sure she could handle being friends with me again, fearing I’d just repeat the same pattern with the next guy. She told me she’d cried over the situation and me multiple times, about how frustrating I was and how she felt completely disregarded, something I hadn’t known until that moment. She said maybe we could be friends again someday, but not now. She needed space.

About two months ago, I heard from a mutual friend that my best friend had been struggling mentally and had expressed dark thoughts. This worried me a lot—especially because something similar happened when we were on vacation together a year prior. I called her, and to my surprise, she picked up. I told her I was thinking about her, that I was worried, and that I was always here if she needed someone to talk to. She appreciated that and even suggested we meet up. I felt so relieved—finally, some progress after months of no contact.

But after we both got back from our vacations, I reached out again to plan something, and she never responded. I called and texted—nothing. It’s been about three weeks of complete silence again. When we worked a shift together recently (we have the same job), I finally asked where we stood. She said she wasn’t doing well mentally and that she couldn’t deal with “this” (our situation) on top of everything else. She said maybe we could be friends again one day, but not now.

And that just broke me a little.

I’ve apologized countless times. I’ve told her how much I care about her and how much she means to me. I’ve tried everything I could think of to repair what I broke. But she keeps shutting me out. I know she’s going through something, and I’m deeply worried about her, but I also feel like I’ve hit a wall.

I feel completely unappreciated. I know I made mistakes, but I don’t think I deserve to be treated like I don’t matter at all. I’ve put so much emotional energy into this, and she just keeps pushing me away. I’m starting to feel resentful—like our years of friendship meant so little to her that she can just walk away like this. I get that some friendships end, especially after big conflicts, but isn’t the whole point of close friendship that you work through hard things? I don’t want to give up. I want to be there for her, especially knowing she’s struggling. But this feels like a one-sided dynamic now, and it’s taking a huge toll on me. I'm mentally drained, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this—reaching out, only to be shut down again and again.

So… Reddit, AITA if I give up trying to fix what I broke?