AITA for not having sex with my husband all the time after losing our baby?

TW child loss

I have never done this before and this is a throw away account

A little back story my husband and I have been together for over 10 years. We have always had arguments about sex due to him having a really high sex drive and I don’t so I tend to not give it to him enough in his eyes which is 24/7. A few months ago we lost our baby boy and it has been very difficult for me to process and to heal from. I struggle taking care of our other kids and I don’t even take care of myself anymore.

The other night we were watching a movie and my husband proceeds to just kind of poke my vagina and i gently pushed his hand away and of course that makes him mad so he turns away from me while sighing. I waited a couple minutes and said are you really mad at me? and he proceeds to say how I never want to have sex with him whenever he tries to make a move and I apologize and tell him how I’m just not in the mood for it. He doesn’t respond so I ask him of he still wanted to have sex cause I will do it but he says no and i said okay i just don’t want you to get mad at me over it and he doesn’t say anything. Shortly after he brings up how he stopped trying to have sex with me hoping I would have sex with him more but obviously that’s not the case. He always makes me feel bad. I know it’s one of my duties to provide that to him but it’s just been super hard and I have zero energy at the end of the day. I told him that multiple times before but I guess it doesn’t get through his head that I’m just trying my best right now. I also just feel like him getting mad at me over not wanting to have sex just makes me not want it even more and at this point it’s just another chore to add to my list of to do’s. So am I the asshole?