Struggling with faith

I believe in god, and I want to get closer to god. There are times where I have felt very close to god, usually when I am the most desperate and in pain. And I still try to pray even when I am happy, and sometimes I feel close sometimes I feel very distant, like I am just crazy speaking to the air. Having faith has helped me overcome a lot of things in my life and having a relationship with god has made me become a better person overall. But right now, I just feel such a disconnect in my prayer and faith. I prayed for this person almost everyday that I had broken up with, in hopes that they could heal and we would find a way back again if it is meant to be. I tried to surrender the situation to god but of course, I kept trying to touch it and I would stalk him and then I would hurt myself to find out things that goes against everything i prayed for. I tell myself that I will be okay because god has a better plan for me. But I also can’t bring myself to accept the possibility that I might never see him again. I try not to idolize him over god but it is hard. I used to pray for peace and right now, I am in peace. My life is silent and I don’t have any external drama anymore but I can’t rid of the internal drama. I protected myself from not going out a lot because I know it would trigger me, and overtime my friend group has gotten smaller but I feel very lonely. Everyday is just me and my thoughts alone. I spend so much time and most of my life daydreaming about having a group of friends, a person who loves me, and this person that I want to be etc. but I just feel so far from that dream, and I am afraid that in this lifetime I will never experience that, I don’t go out much, and I’m not on social media because i think it’s bad for my mental health right now. I’m only 17 and I know that I’ve just gotten started with life. but I’ve recently just felt so hopeless, and stuck between that what is meant for me will come to me, so I should just keep doing what I’m doing and that god will send people into my life, and that I am the author of my own book and whatever happens to me is because of my actions. I am afraid of staying in this state of depression and hurt for longer into my life. I struggle with trusting god on outcomes, and staying consistent and feeling connected. I am very young, could I please get some advice or wisdom.