Why do I often have to reassure people I mean the answers I’m giving? I’m autistic and it’s exhausting

“Do you want to go to pride next Saturday still?” <yes, we just have to go early enough that I can crash for a few hours before driving to Virginia>

“Oh I forgot about that. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to” <If I didn’t want to go, I’d have said no>

“Sorry” <I don’t understand.>

“I just feel like a burden” <No, I was just giving the parameters of how I’d be able to go>

“Okay 👍 “ a minute later “Well if you end up not wanting to go, I can probably get ____ and _____ to go”

I don’t understand. Why do I have to convince people I mean the answers I give? Why am I expected to do the “no, sorry, it’s okay! I really want to go!” thing? I just stopped answering because I don’t have it in me to convince people constantly

Making decision is already exhausting for me because all the little tiny decisions the other people filter out naturally really take a lot of energy. So when I make a decision, it’s because I’ve analyzed every single aspect and plan lineup for the day (so I don’t burnout or have a meltdown from doing too much) so I’m sure.

It just sucks it out of me, so I ended up not responding. This is my ex, whom I want to be friends with, but I broke up because of codependent tendencies and I can’t ever expect them to take the lead. I’m tired in general from always taking the lead in life (I run a business, I’m renovating a house, etc. i make fifty decisions every two seconds so even though this may seem small to other people, these type of interactions REALLY get to me)

Someone said to me that pre-therapy they would’ve seen my response as an excuse too. But I don’t understand?

Is this a normal thing for people in general or is this more personality specific?

I felt so deflated. It’s like no matter how much I explain to people how autism works and what I need communication wise, I am ALWAYS the one bending to other people’s communication styles