therapist told me write about who I am, couldn't even accomplish that.

My mind feels like chaos, I think my mood swings are getting worse. I don't know who I am or what I am aside from a clump of atoms and shit sometimes. I don't know why I'm like this. I didn't ask to be like this I didn't ask to be alive but a part of me doesn't want to die. I see the joy in life then I don't.

I'm hoping the psychiatrist next week listens to me this time and sees if there is some underlying issue like exisential ocd cause this doesnt feel like regular depression