Making your special interest your whole identity

I’ve recently been informally diagnosed by my new therapist and exploring how autism showed up for me growing up. Looking back, I now realize that I never had a stable sense of self due to mimicking others or masking. I relied on my special interests and became so engrossed in them that I would feel distressed if I couldn’t dress, act, or present fully in them. For example, when I was a teenager, 90s grunge was my special interest. I only listened to that era of music and dressed in a way that expressed that. It was all-encompassing. I wouldn’t let myself deviate and explore other ways of self-expressing.

Then as an adult who began working in an office, my identity radically shifted and I felt the need to become a “corporate professional” so my special interest became handbag collecting and beauty, makeup, fashion. All so I could project to others that I was put together.

Now that I’m out of my corporate job and healing from burnout, I’ve had the last six months to really think about myself and who I am. I’m realizing now that I can contain various interests and don’t need to box myself in. I’m now giving myself permission to engage in interests I’ve always loved, even if they don’t fit in a certain aesthetic. My current special interests are yoga, witchcraft/spirituality, psychology, video games (specifically Sims 4 and FFXIV) underconsumption, music, and simple living. I dress for comfort over style, even though I still love fashion, and I no longer wear makeup unless for fun occasions since it’s a sensory nightmare for me.

Does anyone else relate to making your special interests your identity? How did you guys discover your true sense of self and give yourself permission to be a multi-faceted, complex human?