Am I overanalyzing my ADHD or are these BPD symptoms I should be concerned about?

Hello internet friends.

I've been doing some research on something I've been trying to find and solve for so long it seems. Two months ago my ex of six years left me and it's resurfaced self destructive and suicidal tendencies tenfold.

Throughout my life I've only ever been diagnosed with ADHD (back in 2006 I'm 24 now) but I've always been wary of that in some way but I wanted to get perspective on those who live with it. The things that have made me concerned:

• Extreme fear of abandonment, whenever I have conflict with my friend or family members and they say anything negative I get sick to my stomach and my heart aches in my chest when I visualize them being down with my ass

• Very unstable relationship past, throughout my six year relationship I had episodes where I was kind of a dick because I wanted to escalate things. I was bitter about some of her boundaries and I perceived it as everything I did wrong. I was a complete cunt to people who wouldn't talk to me when I tried in grade school and I'd hate them with a fury. Those who'd talk to me I saw as amazing and I was so deathly afraid of them losing me I pushed them away to see how much it'd take for me to lose them since I thought I deserved it deep down

• horrific self destructive fantasies, I feel awful about who I used to be and I still think I'm just the problem and my brain is what needs to be destroyed. I drive very fast on the highway (95-100mph) and I smoke a lot of cigarettes. I don't care about the risks and my heart races out of excitement when I have close calls. If someone yells at me or threatens me or if I'm talking to a cop I get very close to escalating things because it's very exciting in my head to think I'm gonna get what's coming to me. I have fantasies about having a BB gun in my glovebox so a cop can shoot my ass dead if I'm pulled over

• lots of mood swings, I can go from feeling like the world around me is doomed to hell for what it is and sulk in it to jumping out of my seat with pure joy in the drop of a hat. I can have a great time at a ball game and if something even minor happens I can become very depressed and spiral very fast to where nothing around me matters at all. Ive realized I can go from extreme anger to bliss in that time too

-ive had a very tough time identifying who I am because it feels like I'm so many things I can't put it in a frame work. I've gone through so many fads and identities but it feels like absolutely nothing and no one aligns with me or gets me

Is this all associated with just ADHD and me being mentally immature or are these serious signs of BPD. Thank you for reading