I told my CEO I want to leave, then I told him I want to stay, now I want to leave again.

I feel stuck, and would like some advice, insights, harsh truths, etc.

I (22M) have been working with a company for 4 years. I started right after dropping out of college freshman year, and now I have been promoted, moved to headquarters, and helped out different branches for the company since I've been here.

I have found myself in a role that I don't really enjoy. It's very stressful, the expectations are higher than any of the other roles I've held, it's a management role so I have to lead and manage of team of 20-30 people or so, and most of all, it takes up a lot of my time. I easily work 60+ hours a week, and while it's busy, easily more.

My problem is back in March this year, I told them I cannot do it anymore, and I was planning on quitting within the week. After a passionate discussion about this with the CEO (and some self reflection), we agreed that I would stick it through until the end of the year so they can find someone to replace me, and things can end on good terms.

Then in July (when work was easier), after working 4 months, I told the CEO I wanted to stay and this would be the best decision for me. They seemed happy to hear that, and at the time, I was happy to stay.

Now in September, I am back to how I was feeling in March, I am exhausted, I am not feeling fulfilled by the work, and I don't look forward to spending my time here like I thought I would, and like I used to. I'm stuck because I told the owner that I WOULD like to stay here after telling them I didn't, but now I've gone back wanting to leave, so they weren't hiring for a replacement, and if I told them how I am feeling, they would be super upset and let down.

I do like the company. For background: they have given me an opportunity most companies would not. I do not have a college degree, and the allowed me to work my way up, but I've slowly started to realize that maybe this is not what I want right now. I don't know. The other concern is the perception of me if I step down from my role. People will definitely think of me less, and not just the people that work for me or the employees here, but also my friends and family will think less of me, my fiancée's parents will probably think of me less as well, and I probably would not be able to find another company that will give me the same opportunities. I would also lose out on any future reference's from the only company that has allowed me to build some sort of resume/track record.

Any advice, insights, and harsh truths are appreciated.