AITA for calling out my Mum for the way she treats my children and I?

I'll try to be as unbiased as possible and give both sides.

My family (me, my wife, and 3 kids aged 16–20) are temporarily living with my parents (75 and 77). They helped us buy some land but we can’t afford to build yet, so we’re in their home until we can. We’re grateful, and we’ve expressed that gratitude. We pay $300/week rent plus bills for 3 bedrooms, a bathroom, and a lounge.

The issue started when my mum complained there was a smell in my son’s room.

• I told her it’s his socks (he’s a teenage boy, hormones, etc.).
• She said it’s embarrassing when visitors smell it near the bathroom.
• She compared him to me and my dad, saying our feet “were never that bad.”
• I told her I’d already spoken to him and asked her not to embarrass him (she’s not exactly subtle).

Then she asked if it was the sheets.

• She claimed they hadn’t been washed in 6 months.
• I said they had.
• She told me, “I do ours every 2 weeks. You need to as well because you’re in my house.”
• I asked why we had to follow her schedule.
• She replied, “because everyone washes sheets every 2 weeks.”
• I said, no, not everyone does.
• She said it’s “disgusting” if we don’t and that I “need to.”

Then she added, “I taught you better than that… you’ve changed…you didn’t used to be like this.” When I asked what she meant, she dodged the question. I moved out 30 years ago and have never washed sheets every 2 weeks.

Finally she threw in, “Well your 12 months is up in April anyway” (she had previously said we could only stay for a year.)

I felt my tone was calm throughout, while hers was harsh and judgmental. My wife overheard and agreed. I called her out on it, and she said that I was being judgmental of her for washing her sheets so often. I corrected her, saying I just asked why we had to adopt her exact cleaning routine.

For more context, my mum keeps the house spotless. Constantly vacuuming, mopping, wiping, dusting. The place feels sterile, literally and figuratively. Very few personal touches, no warmth. It feels like appearances matter more than comfort. My kids and I feel like we’re walking on eggshells. We can’t even eat together in the lounge while watching a movie.

My daughter sometimes needs crutches or a wheelchair (rare genetic condition), but she’s terrified of damaging the house.

When our dog died a month ago from a snake bite, a dog who was my daughter’s support animal for half her life, my mum’s only comment to me was, “Have you buried her yet?” She hasn’t once asked my daughter if she’s okay.

From my perspective, she seems more worried about blinds, floors, curtains, and condensation than the wellbeing of her own family. And yes, I respect that it’s her house and her rules, but where’s the balance between rules and love?

I keep wondering if, when she reaches the end of her life, she’d rather be remembered as the woman who made sure sheets were washed fortnightly, or the one who provided a safe, caring, and welcoming home for her family.