I made a timeline of my trauma

It's pretty damning. I was considering posting it but it's honestly such a long and terrible list. I don't think anyone would want to read all of that. I also am constantly debating with myself on whether or not I should expose my rapist(s) and my enabling mom. But I have two young kids and I don't feel safe enough to invite more chaos into my life. I have written so much about what happened. I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder and so I often struggle with being in denial, which used to make me stay in contact with my abusers/enablers. I'd doubt my own memories. I'd listen to my mom downplay the abuse or emphasize my own role in what happened. Writing down painful truths has helped to ground me in safety. These are all the reasons that they cannot EVER be in my life.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get from posting this, maybe someone has advice on speaking publicly about the abuse they've endured? It feels like I have to keep it a secret but the fact that it's hidden and nobody talks about it, in my opinion, actually feeds the beast. Silence enables abuse. I can't know in what ways my rapists or my mom is contributing to someone else's suffering. I get caught up in the idea that I'm guilty for allowing them to continue their evil behavior. Like if I were to speak up, they would be stopped? Any time I consider exposing them, I get stuck having repetitive visualizations of my primary rapist showing up and killing me. In fact that's what my brain was doing last night as I tried to get to sleep.