Why do people get into relationships to cheat and ruin the other person?

I suppose I just can’t work it out.

We were engaged, had a home and two babies. He was cheating the whole time. Whilst emotionally abusing me. The whole gaslighting, manipulation, financial, stonewalling, he was physical once. I left within 6 months.

I didn’t see it at the time or maybe I did but I had two babies within 3 years.. the most vulnerable and precious time of my life and the person I loved was abusing and betraying me the whole time. I had his children. He isolated me from everyone.

Everything was my fault. I was always the problem. Too fat, too skinny, too loud, too quiet, too happy, too sad. He had a complete porn addiction and I don’t know if he had a sex addiction too.

Ive got a restraining order against him. I am coming to terms I will never get answers or have closure. I’m trying to focus on healing and not searching for answers myself.

I left him 5 weeks ago and I have not once regretted my decision. I know it right for me and my girls. We’re all happier. My home doesn’t feel dirty and I’m not being avoided, lied to or bullied. I don’t miss him but I have so many questions.

I’ve stopped crying but nothing else makes sense. I can’t work it out. Why not stay single? Why have children to abuse their mum? Why cheat and continuously gaslight and lie about it.

I used to love, love. I was a complete lover girl and I’m scared I will never love again. I don’t think I could ever trust another human being . I don’t even trust myself at this point. I’m lost. I’m starting therapy soon.

I’m looking for any advice, recommendations, similar stories or just anything at this point really to stop me spiralling.