05091995

i am rapaciously constructing your ruin i do this often, seeking great comfort -or misapprehension

in my delusion, ill dive into pools of memory and hidden recollections

seeking the past forms of you, trying to document you as you truly were, and creating new projections of you; how i image you exist presently

ill take both of these and conduct symphonies of your demise, or simply your suffering, or simply, inconveniencing you

on the calmest excursions in these waters, ill only swim past you, observing your idiocy, imaging how i could have ignored you entirely

in an excited state of wrath pure fury, that is, these excursions turn to hunting

i track you, as my prey i trap you, as you pray i trick you, as we lie down -and when the moment comes,

i pull you apart limb for limb

i cut your hair handful by handful

i paralyze you watching your eyes as fear consumes you

i penetrate your skin caressing the blood that pours from your flesh, cherishing its warmth and taste

i violate your autonomy with disregard and pleasure

i torture your mind and your body with a dance of deception and hate, where you are unable to look away

and suddenly bubbles surface in these pools…as i start to drown in my fantasies of corruption and revenge

and as i drown, losing concentration, i realize that i have ruined only myself

)how consuming this hatred that holds me)