Recent Diagnosis

Hey! 22 f recently diagnosed however I'm noticing myself having a lot more anxiety around things that used to be second nature to me.

Unsure if this is ASD related or if I'm just going through it but I'm finding myself struggling a hell of a lot more socially more so being scared and jittery around people or when I think of past friends that I've lost in petty arguments.

Example - two of my closest friends sort of abandoned me (sort of being I had a bit of a crisis and left group chats but did try to keep up with them then we all had a sit down and they basically were like yeah no we're done because you did this one thing 8 months ago) but I am struggling with this almost 6 months later as it creeps up on me that I wasn't the best friend but neither were they, yet I'm the one left out as they were the friends I saw routinely so I'm finding it all a bit lonely just now and if I do meet other people I'm either scared of them or scared to upset them like I have made other friends but I find it tricky to understand if they are mocking me or being nice sometimes.

I'm also finding myself having a wayyy harder time in workplace situations I'd have previously been fine in - ie I'm wayy more anxious around making mistakes or have beat myself up for days over a stupid wrong coffee order that my boss wasn't happy about assuming that they must hate me or that I'm bad at my job because of a one time thing.

I wonder how to break out of this RSD cycle as I miss the feeling of having friends I could let my guard down around but I haven't clicked with anyone because the minute I feel out of place I feel like I have to hide and it's kinda tearing at me a little.

Like I'll see the friends I used to have all carrying on without me and it hurts but I also see other friends groups constantly out and about and I feel awful because I don't have something like that.

(This was more so a vent/ wondering if this is relatable at all)