I screwed up big time

I relapsed hard. And I mean hard. This is actually an addiction for me. I thought I had it, I was better. After all this time of nofap, maybe 2 months, I got a gorgeous girl had lots of good sex for the first time in my life. Decided to ditch her and with my miserable job I got back to it. I also watch porn now, I wake up in the middle of the night and need to cum to sleep again. I feel empty, I feel weak, like there is no point in trying again. I'm almost sure I will fail. I want to go to therapy. Just came btw and it's really unbearable.

I feel like nofap isn't the final goal for me. I feel it's a half measure for myself. Maybe it won't solve all of my problems. But it was better without masturbating. I wish I could do it in moderation. I wish I had money for a therapist. Im such a mess