🍇IST - MY FP

hello all, i’m reaching out because i’ve had a very hard day, and it feels like i’m falling apart. long story short, i became obsessed with the person who assaulted me. after it happened, i had a breakdown and convinced myself the only way to feel relief was to make him love me. i begged to be around him, paid for everything, drove him anywhere he needed. he’s a level 2 sex offender and had just gotten out when he hurt me. he moved into a halfway house and i helped him get on his feet. i got him a job (which he’s since lost). his mom got him a car and a phone (which he’s not even supposed to have). as soon as he got those things, he went right back online looking for younger girls. that broke me, because for an entire year he was all i thought about. i believed that if i could get him to see me as a good person, to care about me, then maybe what he did wouldn’t feel so real. he told me all the things i needed to hear, love-bombed, future-faked — and i fell for it. i also got close with his mom, and she still keeps in touch. last night she mentioned him and a new girl, and it triggered me badly. i ended up sending him about 25 texts, and of course he didn’t respond. he had promised that when he got a car and phone, things wouldn’t change, that we’d still hang out and talk. but the second he got those things, he dropped me. now it feels like i’m dying. all i can think of are the assaults, his voice, his face, the psychological damage. i still want him to want me, even though i know he’s abandoned me. it feels like being ripped apart. i go to therapy and i’m on medication, but i can’t shake this. i want to be strong enough to let him go, but right now i’m really struggling. if anyone has advice or even words of encouragement, i’d appreciate it so much. 🙏 i’m really in a bad place tonight.