Relapsed

I relapsed today after almost 5 years. I feel so guilty and shameful, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’ve been slipping back into depression and feeling a lot of big feelings recently. I know I should see a therapist, but it’s hard for me to make the time. Also, I don’t want to go through the labor of finding a new one. Even if I saw one, I don’t want to tell anyone because I feel so embarrassed. I work in mental health so it feels a bit ironic. I spend all day teaching people about helping coping skills while I engage in maladaptive ones. I just feel like absolute shit.