Guy (27m) I’m (28f) dating goes out heavily partying multiple days every weekend, until the early hours of the morning. Not sure what to make of it.

I guess I just need some advice or to hear other people’s opinions/ experiences of how you have handled situations like this. I’m not sure if I should get over it or if I am right for feeling like I do.

I have been dating this guy for a few months now. Due to him being so busy, we have seen each other only once a week, maybe twice with occasional impromptu get togethers, which was usually midweek, until I spoke to him about it. We have now arranged to do something on a Saturday next week as he has availability then. So at least he has listened and done something about that.

However, I am now realising that every weekend without fail he will be out, Friday and Saturday drinking with various different friends that he has until all hours of the morning, he once got home at 8am and was back out the door for a pub crawl at 11am the same day and then stayed out until the early hours of Sunday morning. Then back out to see friends Sunday. He has now done something very similar this weekend.

For me this isn’t exactly what I want. I want someone who has the time for me, who gets excited to see me and wants to do fun things together (he does message me telling me he misses me every time he is out drinking, but this almost feels like a get out of jail card at this point as even though he knows I’m at home, alone, he would rather go from group of friends to group of friends to be able to continue his night than come see me).

I do still see my friends, however since we’ve been dating, my desire to go out to bars etc has been depleting as I really do like this guy, and I don’t really care about being somewhere filled with other men as I’m not interested. I guess I just can’t fathom why he still wants to go out doing all of this with his single friends every weekend.

On a side note, I do want to mention he is very good with messaging, he checks in on me honestly hourly, tells me he misses me (as mentioned above), he can also be very sweet and thoughtful. I do just wish his words would form into actions off of my phone screen so I could believe them more.

I now wonder if he becomes lovey dovey with me every time he is out as he knows he shouldn’t be doing all of the stuff he used to do when single, if he’s serious about a relationship, so he checks in to make sure I’m ok to see if he’s crossed a boundary. Except I have no desire to change him if that’s what he wants to be doing. I’d much rather he change himself because it is what he wants. Otherwise he will just end up miserable that I have stifled him and it will ruin things anyway.

I also want to mention that I do think I can prematurely end things, I am usually a bit of an avoidant when it comes to dating. I have been single for 5 years, because to be honest I want to make sure the next one is the right one, I’d rather be single than put up with bad behaviour and waste my time. However I do like this guy, so I’ve tried to give the benefit of the doubt in hopes things will work out eventually. I am really trying not to run away this time, but all of these late nights he’s doing with no actual quality time between us has me questioning if things will last or if I can even handle this sort of relationship ongoing.

I guess I just need someone to help me out with what they would do in this situation. Would you wait it out and see if things eventually change as time goes on? Or would you just cut things off as we clearly don’t have the same views on what a relationship should be?