To The Person I Can Never Have...

"To My Dearest Friend...

I write to you knowing that I will never send but wanting you to know that I, your closest friend, wish to love like those women who love those men. Those men who give flowers and chocolates to women on days that seem hard. I wish to know what that love feels like. To know one day, I can come home to the smell of home cooked food and a welcoming smile. I wish to know what that love feels like. I may get swarmed with young dames, but it is never the same. Never the same as what I feel for someone who I cannot have.

If I were to acknowledge this love and act on it, it would be the downfall of our friendship. The downfall of my life. Everything I have ever known would be taken from me and I would be casted out of everyday activities that I would normally do. But… I do know that you probably do not feel the same. And I wish to understand that. I wish to know how you sleep. I wonder; do your thoughts wander at night? Keeping you awake when you should sleep? Do you ask the moon, “Will he ever feel the same?” or “How I feel; is it normal?”

Do you wish to be close to me? I wonder what it would feel to kiss you. What it would feel to have your arms wrapped around me in a sweet, comforting hug that won’t be awkward after a time when a hug should end. Or how my arms wrap around you to keep you safe from harm. I wish to know. I wish to understand… I wish to know what your body feels against mine.

To help you when times get difficult, when you get sick, when you get injured. I wish to treat you to nice dinners. Take you out on nice dates. We could walk around the park, laugh at the silly things we talked about. Or go to the amusement park and stuff our faces with cotton candy, and I could win you a prize from those rigged games. Or we could slow dance to the music you always listen to.

But...

I hope you find a beautiful dame to dance with, to tell your jokes to, to hold at night when it rains, to come home from work and see a beautiful honey in the kitchen cooking you supper. And maybe we are still friends by then where I can see you grow into an amazing husband and maybe even a father. But knowing that it probably will never be with me, makes me feel heavy-hearted… But I wish you the luck of all the thousand burning fires to find your true love. To find the one who fits you well. Who will treat you with a full heart of love.

Until Next Time, My Dearest Friend..."