Can i ever be normal after a long time?

From feedback i question how much stability is needed to transition. They want me to be stable to get treatment all while the lack of treatment is making me unstable and i fear i can never reach the stable they want me to be to recieve life saving care. It has been over 15 years since i first illustrated myself as a boy in around first grade and i only got a girl body growing on me instead. I reached out for help again and again and they only ever hurt, leaving me worse. What if im holding on and crawling forward for nothing and will never be approved? I try again and again to imporve,i try to make connections and only make enemies. I dont want to get hurt again,i just want to be normal how do i be normal?