You felt nice for a bad decision

Surprise, surprise.

After nearly 5 years of this, I finally feel nothing after your latest slow fade. I can’t figure out why you do this every fall. Is it just the time of year you start to feel guilty? I trusted this situation with you, which is what made me so willing to tolerate the completely unacceptable routine we’ve had for so long. You taught me early on that asking for an explanation for the slow fade will get me ignored, so now I don’t. This time I know it’s just expected behavior from you.

If this were to go like every other year, you’ll be reaching out to me on all the upcoming holidays, liking my response back to you that includes the “how are you doing?” question you’ll ignore, then quickly disappear again.

Til late spring comes around. You’ll come barreling into my messages with questions about how I’m doing, eagerly awaiting the same question back for you to fill me in on how wonderful things have been for you and the family (but now things are so terrible and you need me) and a long message about how much you miss me and how sorry you are.

Except you’re not even a little bit sorry, and I’ve just been stupid. I’ll admit it, you played me well.

You’re going to panic when you realize I blocked and deleted you on everything earlier. You’re going to lose a little sleep the next few nights while you wonder if you’ve finally pissed me off so much that I lay all your secrets out. I hope you worry yourself sick the same way I worried myself sick wondering if something tragic happened to you and I had no way of knowing if you were even alive, because a courtesy goodbye or “I just need a break” couldn’t even be managed.

You’re a wimp. It’s highly unattractive and that realization is what pushed me across the line that has “over you” written across it. I look back in disgust, but when I look forward I see an abundance of peace without you in my life.

This time I know I’m finally, finally over you. This time, there is no next time.

Goodbye and good riddance.