I’m so tired

I’m 26f and from an outsider’s perspective you’d think I’m full of life, I know this. But I am entirely drowning in depression, I always laughed off the traumatic things that happened to me and thought I could get through things on my own. I can’t. I go out now and I don’t know if it’s just my face or demeanor but people ask me if I’m okay and honestly I just say no. I don’t even care to mask it anymore, I’m exhausted, I don’t wanna die but I don’t want to be here in my body I hate it. I feel like I just want to sleep I remember the old me, she’s not far away but I feel like I’m too far gone, I miss me I miss the way I used to not think about stuff so much, now all I do is worry and think and cry. I’m so angry and people see it. I don’t know what to do