Confused mourning loss and sad regrets

,FTM man. Done everything medically except for phalloplasty which I’m waiting for. Really severe bottom dysphoria that’s been depressingl me.

But I want to sound like a woman. ..

I dress and present very masculine and I want to be FULLY physically male.

However MENTALLY k and behaviour wise I am very feminine. I really want a high pitched voice. please not I said FEMININE. There is NOTHING fmale about me and I don’t associate with that at all. I associate with feminine male the most or gender nonconforming male even though I *look* very conforming.

mI really regret T because of what ,it did to my voice.

Does this mean I’m detrans? Nonbinary? I’m really really lonely and have no one else to ask.

I reall,g want a hug and I just wish I told myself what would happen I mean what sid I think would happen? i just wish I had a boyfriend tot ell me I shouldn’t die.