So a couple of months ago I fostered a feral kitten. She was 12 weeks old, had been in the shelter for 2 weeks, and was slated for euthanisation because she'd made absolutely no progress in being socialised in that time and simply wasn't adoptable. I asked the shelter if I could take her home for a week or two to give her a more intensive socialisation attempt - they said yes but warned that there was 'no ego to be involved' - if the kitten showed no progress then I had to accept she'd be put down because it wasn't kind to keep this kitten in an environment where she was constantly terrified and stressed. Fair enough. 

Taking her out of the shelter environment did 90% of the work for me; I had her purring on my bed and enjoying belly rubs by the following evening. She was still massively timid - on my bed I was fine, but if I got up and walked I was a horrifying monster! And I got *a lot* of scratches on my arms and chest from picking her up. But we did it! 

When I took her back to the shelter at the end of the fortnight the shelter guy was able to pick her up and hold her like a normal kitten (whereas before she could only be handled via being scruffed) and when he got her food she started eating out of the dish while he was holding it. Previously she would shove herself behind her bed when a human *walked past* her cage. I was informed her euthanisation appointment had been changed to a spay. Happy ending! ...Or was it? 

I volunteer at the shelter every Friday morning, so I kept seeing her. And kept thinking about her. She was a lot better - in 'general population' rather than in a cage, and in the evenings she'd sometimes approach the shelter manager for a little fuss. But she was still timid, and kittens were getting brought in, health checked and desexed, and adopted out while she cuddled in a corner with the other timid cat. And I couldn't stop thinking about her. 

I asked the shelter manager what her chances of adoption were: "very low." And I talked to my flatmate. And I talked to my mum. And then I asked the shelter manager if I could adopt this kitten. And she came home with me. 

One week in and she's part of the household! She loves other cats, and our other cats are comfortably tolerating her (and warming up more every day!). She's still timid - she hides under the couch when my flatmate or I walk across the living room, and it's a 50/50 chance of whether she'll let me pet her or will run away when I approach her. She's still uneasy with being picked up - she's a lot better than she was when I fostered her, but my arms and chest are covered with scratches again (she's going to get used to being picked up, no matter how long and how much of my blood it takes). 

She's objectively not a very good pet. It's going to take a lot of time and work to get her to the point where most pet cats are as a default, and even then she's probably only going to be comfortable around me and will always be timid. But she's coming along in leaps and bounds; every day there's a new improvement, every day she runs away a little less. And when she does let me pet her, she immediely bumps up into my hand and starts purring. If she's up on a surface (and therefore not feeling so intimidated by my size relative to her) she'll approach me, kneading and purring, to give my face smudges and smooches. She's learned from the other cats what my 'treat phrase' is and comes running with them. She kneads and purrs as she eats. She considers my bed her 'safe space' and goes running to it if she gets spooked. Every little milestone and bit of progress has me smiling nonstop. 

I love her. There was a hole in my heart shaped like her ever since I took her back to the shelter, and now she's home again and I'm so happy to have her. And she's very happy too. I wish I'd known I was going to end up adopting her or I wouldn't have sent her back to the shelter after our socialisation foster; that's 2 months of her kittenhood we'll never get back! But here's to the next 20-ish years. Happy ending for real this time!

Thank you for letting me gush about my terrible new cat! 

I just want to gush about my horrible new kitten