Am I depressed or just a teenager?

Hi everyone! Just as a disclaimer this is gonna be a long post so sorry if it takes a while for you to read lol

anyone, for a bit of context im a young minor who has had a shit mental mindset. I have really bad anxiety, obsessive compulsions that stem from my anxiety, pretty bad self esteem, a history of SH that started from when I was 13, suicidal ideations, and some paranoia. I've been trying to work on myself, and my parents put me into therapy but that didn't last long lmao. They know about my anxiety and compulsions (which was what I was put into therapy for) but they don't know about the other wonderful things I was gifted with.

Anyway, the really bad stuff started to happen around exam season last year. I had finals and was studying for like 3 hours per day. (im a bit of an overachiever lol) and then I started to feel really really bad mentally. wearing a hoodie sitting in a chair staring blankly out the window thinking about death type shit. for the past few months the funk hasn't stopped. the summer was filled with me feeling lonely and like shit, and then school started and it hasn't gone away when I hoped it would. I wake up and go to school, put on my brave face and act funny with my friends, come home and do my work, and then lie in bed wishing I were dead.

I have kinda told my close friends about how im feeling, but in a joking, not-serious way, yk? like, I would be like "guys am I crazy or do I low-key have mental issues hahahah" and everyone would be like "oh thats not good you should get checked out hahaha" and then we'd move on.

I just feel so so so tired and sad and lonely. I want someone so badly to tell everything to but I can't. its either I don't trust them or they won't take me seriously or im scared they will be like 'oh poor baby' and then just ignore it altogether.

But, then again, I know some people talk about how young people see depression on the internet and then assume they're depressed too. or, it may just be that im a teenager and my hormones are raging. can you guys tell me which one it is and how I can feel better? I've done everything to distract myself from my thoughts and FINALLY feel happy for a whole week but it's not working. thanks.