I have no hope to live anymore

I've been in a dark place for awhile now Everytime I think it got better it doesn't, I am taking anxiety meds but they are doing absolutely nothing and only worsening things by stopping my period.

I had today one of the worst days in my life and was thinking about overdosing and finally stop this circus I call living

I have no friends, no job, no passion for anything and I have zero optimism for the future.

I hate everything about myself, I am ugly stupid fat awkward untalented and just a fucking useless piece of garbage, and I always feel like an outsider even within my own family.

I've been thinking negatively about my relationship with my fiance too for the last year and I don't think I am ready for marriage nor do I want the pressure coming with it, and I feel like I am on verge of breaking it up.

My mind never stops thinking about negative things and I feel anxious 24/7, I can't do or say or even think anything without struggling mentally and physically.

I wish I was never born, I am a failure in this family and people around me would be doing so much better without me being here.

I've tried therapy before and they don't help, they either shame me or make me feel bad about things I can't control or change easily, after a bad experience with a therapist I decided I am never trying again.

Everyone thinks I am lazy but they don't understand that I am fucking dealing with something wrong in my brain, I don't sit on my phone all day because I want to.

I am just so tired, I wanna be left alone.

I don't need judgemental stares like I am some fucking weirdo everybody hates.