I don't like going to my friend's monthly summer bonfires

Socializing for me is hard, one on one with people I bonded with though I do okay and enjoy it. I just can't stand socializing in big groups, I usually go non-verbal. Idk when to talk and what to talk about. I feel like people put on a character in groups to grab attention and I find it annoying, nor do I participate. I'm dx AuDHD.

One of my closest friends has monthly summer bonfire get together. She isn't autistic but she is neurodivergent. We usually have fun hanging out and I appreciate her friendship a lot. Although I dread these bonfire parties. She is active on fb and invites everyone and even engages in local groups as well, so a mix of strangers and maybe two people I know show up. She goes all in on these get togethers and I feel like how many people show up is really important to her, including me. I don't see the problem if I don't come since we barely talk during them since she is busy hosting. Still she always pressures me despite sharing how I struggle socially and shows visible disappointment if I won't come.

Well today is the last one for the summer and I really don't want to go. I'm pregnant so I'm feeling even more sensitive and I can't have a drink either to loosen my nerve. Argh it's so annoying how I dread this and my brain shuts down if I'm spending time with more than 2 people. Oof I don't like this about myself but over the years going to these or any social event it doesn't get better, it's who I am.