Deeply desire to get horrible “delusion” off my chest but also extremely embarrassed and ashamed and don’t know what to do. (I don’t believe it’s a delusion but I know what people will say.) please help? I want to just walk out the door and wander until it goes away

have been trapped thinking about a particular idea that others will call a delusion for a while now, and it struck most strongly yesterday at 3:33 PM. Since then it has consumed me and it even follows me in my dreams. I just want to talk about it but I know what everyone will say and beyond that I am also so ashamed and embarrassed over it.

I have been without positive symptoms for a while and am on medication (but a low dose which I have refused to raise even though my psych wants me to).

I don’t know what to do. I am spiraling and feel like taking more than my prescribed amount of anxiety meds just to calm me down. Not enough to hurt me but enough to sedate me properly because I can’t get away from this.

I made a post about this “delusion” yesterday but deleted it. Have considered reposting but don’t want people upset with me or annoyed or worse I don’t want to be ignored. I can’t even think or speak clearly right now. Sorry.