Relapsed after nine months

Currently sick, just relapsed sitting on the toilet with a razor in hand cutting up my forearm to my wrist like ive never done before. Minor cat-like scratches nothing deep, too pussy for that. Maybe even glad for that dunno. Yeah i am js losing my mind over w bit of bottled up emotions, had a crush stolen by my best friend that he knew i had a crush on her. lowkey amazing ngl. But js dunno what to do now it hurts. Ofc it does. Promised my friend i was venting to that i wouldnt do anything like this, and 30 minutes later whatchu know i broke it. Currently 2:31am as ot typing this so imma go to sleep good night also this is a small vent i guess idk i am lwkey js done.