Ungaslighting Your Mind

“Did They See Me As a Person?” - Yes… as a person to be USED. Meaning, that they saw you as a thing. Which is why regardless of how much you tried to articulate how their were hurting you, it did not change their behavior.

“Did They See Me As Their Equal” - Did they do things to you that they would not accept themselves? If so… how could that person view you as an equal when they did not treat you in the same manner in which they required from you.

“Was I the Problem? The Reason for Their Behavior? The Reason for the Discard?” - So they say you are the reason for their dysfunctional pattern of behavior. But you want to know what’s funny? That same dysfunctional pattern is continuing even with you not being around anymore… so what does that information tell you? What is the CONSTANT? Because it clearly isn’t you.

“What could I have done to make it work?!” - Go read this very subreddit. Is there more you could have done? Technically yes there is more any of us could have done. But is their anymore you could have done to SATISFY them? No. Go look on this very subreddit and you will see the LENGTHS ppl have gone and they were still devalued/discarded.

“I Truly Am Damaged for the Fact That I was Even Attracted to Such a Person” - Stop. You were not attracted to THEM. You were attracted to the mask (the persona they wore in the early months /initial stage of the relationship that you connected so well with). The truth is that… that was you. They created an entire persona based upon positive traits from past partners before you + mixed in with the specific details that you shared with them regarding what you valued in a relationship. So they mix this together to reel you in. You were attracted to YOURSELF ironically. Not to them. If anything, chances are you are either a decent/exceptional person because they will not get into a relationship with someone unless they’re either A.) identify positive traits in that person that they would like to adapt/steal/make their own B.) Being with you with help boost their own image or C.) You have aspects/resources that they can use to their advantage.

“Do They Change?” - Do they have the capability to change? Well technically yes… IF. THEY. ARE. WILLING. TO. DO. THE. WORK. AND ACTIVELY GO TO DBT THERAPY. Will the majority of them change? No. If anything most do evolve/change AS IN they get BETTER with their manipulation as they learn new ways of securing supply (ppl) based upon their failed relationships of the past. Their MANIPULATION tactics become stronger? But their CHARACTER? Usually no change at all (at least for the positive).

To keep matters short. What happened to you had nothing to do with you. It had everything to do with who they were.

With that being said though, some lessons to learn are: Take the relationship slow, allow the person to show you who they really are. If they are pressuring you to commit early - 🚩. If they have went through multiple partners and ALL of them were abusive? Usually 🚩, but there are cases were ppl went through real abuse so use your discernment on this one. See how consistent their behavior is over a PROLONGED period of time (3-6 months). While there technically is no time limit and some highly experienced pwBPD and/or NPD can wear a mask for a long time - the majority I feel will show cracks in their character during that time period. Stay guarded guys.